Why You Should Approach Your Wedding Planning Process Like You’re Hunting for Vintage Finds

Okay. Hear me out. As a wedding stationery designer who wore a vintage wedding dress to her wedding, I think certain parts of this process can be applied to your planning journey - to make it feel more unique, more timeless, more you. There can be so much pressure to follow trends and check things off your bridal to-do-list. But you’re not like every other bride, so let’s make your planning process one-of-a-kind! Here’s why you should consider this approach:

1. Rather than following trends and finding a dress online that anyone else could have, bringing this approach means you are focusing on things being one-of-a-kind. My dress had these beautiful lace eyelet flower details on the shoulder, and a sage green layer underneath that literally made it look like the ocean. It wasn’t a “traditional” wedding dress but it was so me, and I loved that. It’s less about the knee-jerk, cookie-cutter approach to weddings - where you are just doing what everyone else is doing and getting things to get them -and more about what feels like it is meant for you. While this can apply to how you find your dress, this can also apply to how you make decisions, how you source your goodie bag items, etc. Be unique not just for the sake of being unique - but because your love story is unique too, and it deserves to be celebrated in its own unique way.

2. The process. While you can certainly approach looking for your dress and planning your wedding in the traditional way - scouring Pinterest and bridal sites for the perfect fit - there is nothing like the thrill of the hunt in a Vintage, thrift or consignment shop. It gets you into your body, it’s tactile, you get to touch and feel and relate to things. It’s delightful! What if you brought this tactile, slow, natural approach to your planning? What if you sourced photos for your moodboard from the real world, like your favorite restaurants and art museums and decor stores, rather than scrolling on Pinterest for hours? What if you got vendor recommendations from that friend of a friend who also got married in Newport a few years ago, rather than reaching out to random people on Wedding Wire? What if you took your time, trusted the process, and let inspiration arrive into your life, rather than searching so hard for it?

3. A focus on storytelling. I loved my vintage wedding dress because it came with a story - not just in how I found it, but also in the life it lived before me, and even the life it lived on my wedding day. Yes, it ripped! But that’s now woven into the story of the dress, that I will always remember, and my guests will, too. Similarly, you have imperfect and ancient parts of your story that you can weave into your wedding that make it feel like yours. You could put family heirlooms on every table, or tell the story of how you met at your ceremony, or play your father’s favorite song as you walk down the aisle, instead of stressing over following bridal trends and aesthetics. You could be your one-of-a-kind self, instead of the bride you think you are supposed to be. You could be yourself, not only on your wedding day, but all along the way.

How to Make Your Wedding Planning As Enjoyable As Your Wedding

PC: Georgie Morley Photography

When you’re planning a wedding, it can be so easy to put so much energy into perfecting this one big day, that you forget that your wedding is comprised of so much more than that. It’s all the days leading up to it - it’s the meetings with your planner, how you show up to conversations with your partner, it’s the dress shopping and the seating plan deciding.

When I was planning my own wedding I got really clear on wanting to enjoy THAT process, as much (as possible) as the wedding day itself. Because at the end of the day, it’s all about celebrating this great love story, so why would I want to take away from that for a second?

Of course stress will come, but here are some things I focused on to stay anchored in a positive, playful perspective while I was wedding planning, making the whole experience * almost * as enjoyable as the wedding day itself.

1. I journaled nearly every morning on how I wanted the experience to go - but in the past tense, as if it had already happened. This looked like “Our planning process has been full of ease and enjoyment, our wedding day went so smoothly and felt so us, I love getting to plan our wedding,” etc. This allowed me to reset the overwhelm, the stress, and the urgency that can often come with planning a large and incredibly meaningful event, and to step into the feeling that I wanted to be embodying during that time. It also means that I have a journal of spells that I can look back on with pride, knowing that I made that thing happen!

2. Whenever things got stressful or tense (and I’m human so they did) I stepped away. Took a break. Turned the computer off. Went for a walk. Did something else. I tried to make sure that when I was in an active state of wedding planning (making calls or working on a spreadsheet or talking with family) that I was in a good headspace. And if I ever found myself forcing something or worrying, I would step away from that thing until I was in a better space. Basic human psychology here, but somehow when you are involved in the planning of what is supposed to be the best day of your life, all that pressure can make our basic human psychology practices run right out the door.

3. I turned to the parts of the planning process that I enjoyed. I am not a spreadsheet girl, but I love a handmade gift. A piece of art. A thoughtful touch. So, making our stationery was such a joy for me, as was putting together our goodie bags (and making sure they wouldn’t just get thrown out or left in someone’s hotel room) as was making our signage. Find the thing that feels good to you, and carry it through the whole process.

4. On the wedding day, I really let myself let it all go. The plan for the day, my expectations, hell, even my dress’s integrity. I let them all go, and surrendered to what the day became, knowing that I had an amazing team behind me to steer the ship. It rained, our reception location flip flopped, my dress ripped at the end of the night, but because I had been practicing my perspective leading up to the wedding day, I was able to roll with it all, and truly have the best day of my life, with my favorite people and my now husband by my side. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

How to Make Your Wedding Feel Personal

When my husband and I were planning our wedding, while we wanted everything to look and feel beautiful, we most importantly wanted it to feel like us. We've all been to those weddings - where you could nearly swap the bride and groom out for a different couple, and no one would notice. But, as artists ourselves and people who have both walked the path less traveled in life, it was super important that our wedding reflected our personalities and love story. I like to think we were pretty successful in doing so, and here are a few approaches I'd suggest if you are of a similar mindset.

1. Focus on storytelling over aesthetics.

A lot of the decisions you make around your wedding will seem to center around how everything looks - from the florals to the tablescapes to the bridesmaids' dresses. And while the aesthetics are obviously important (I do a design wedding stationery after all), if you want your wedding to feel personal, you have to focus more on how things feel and less on how things look, and a great way to do that is through storytelling.

Use every opportunity you can to tell the story of who you each are - as individuals and as a couple. This will immediately make your wedding yours and yours alone. This can look like getting personalized stationery with imagery you are known for, turning the first text your partner ever sent you into custom cocktail napkins, or simply having your officiant tell the story of how you met.

2. Choose vendors you connect with.

This may seem obvious, but when you go to pick your vendors, there can be so much pressure to lock someone in who comes highly recommended, and to do it yesterday. Just make sure to check in with yourself - Do I vibe with this person? Do they seem to understand me and my partner?

While it's important to focus on the product they deliver (their photos, their florals, etc) it's also important to focus on how they are delivering it, who they are and how you connect with them. Because, at the end of the day, your vendors are going to be holding the torch for how you want your wedding to go, and witnessing you in some very intimate moments. You want to feel comfortable with them and you want to know that they get you!

(We did an AMAZING job at this with our wedding and if you are getting married on Nantucket and need incredible vendor recs I'm you girl)

3. Carry a creative thread throughout your planning process.

You don't have to be an artist to add your signature touch to your wedding day. Whether you want to hand paint the place cards or make all the ceramics or coordinate a surprise flash mob during the reception, find one thing you want to DIY on your wedding day, and use it as a creative outlet throughout your planning process. It will help your guests feel the YOU in your wedding, and it will also be a great respite to return to when you inevitably get tired of looking at spreadsheets.

What are you doing to add a personal touch on your wedding day? Leave a comment below!